Let Go, and Enjoy the Ride

Neil Gaiman, multidimensional author, is a genius and a very funny one. While what he says in an address to college graduates applies specifically to those who want to make a living as artists, his advice can benefit all of us who want to live more creatively.

"If you don't know it's impossible it's easier to do. And because nobody's done it before, they haven't made up rules to stop anyone doing that again, yet."

"Something that worked for me was imagining that where I wanted to be – an author, primarily of fiction, making good books, making good comics and supporting myself through my words – was a mountain. A distant mountain. My goal. And I knew that as long as I kept walking towards the mountain I would be all right."

". . .it's true that nothing I did where the only reason for doing it was the money was ever worth it, except as bitter experience."

"The moment that you feel that, just possibly, you're walking down the street naked, exposing too much of your heart and your mind and what exists on the inside, showing too much of yourself. That's the moment you may be starting to get it right."

Here's the link for the video of the address.

Neil Gaiman addresses the university of the arts class of 2012.

If you want to also/or read the address, here's the link.

Transcript of Neil Gaiman's address

How to Crush Your Creativity: Be Rigid

This is one of the best ways to crush, squash, and generally straight-jacket your creativity. It's also one of the easiest methods to practice. All you have to do is tell yourself, "It has to be done this way."

You can find lots of ways to say this, such as:

"This is how my parents did it."

"This is how I've always done it."

"If it's a good idea, how come no one ever thought of it before?"

"If I don't follow the rules, I'll get into trouble."

"If I don't follow a strict routine, I won't accomplish anything."

We are usually well trained in following the rules and routines. I knew someone who in kindergarten tried to paint a green pumpkin. He got into a lot of trouble.

Another way to get your little creative hand smacked is to color outside the lines.

Underlying rigidity is usually fear. "They'll laugh at me, reject me, ignore me, lock me up."

Solution

Creativity lives outside the lines. If you really want to express yourself and be true to yourself, that has to be more important than what "they" might say or do.

I didn't name this blog "Dragonfire: The Creative Spark" by accident. The urge to create is a fire that burns away all considerations about what others might think.

To use a real-life and contemporary example: Many indie authors chose this route because they had a certain pattern of rejection from the established publishing world. They would get rejections that went like this, "I really like your book. It's original and imaginative, and you write very well. The problem is, I don't think I could sell it." Translation: this doesn't fit into any of the slots and categories that the big publishing houses believe can safely sell.

That's why you'll find some of the most creative writers around, those who are transcending traditional boundaries and exploring new worlds among the independent authors.

Rigidity isn't always a chronic condition. Sometimes it shows up in creative blockages where one finds oneself recycling the same old tired ideas.

Challenge

Dare to think and do something new.

How to Crush Your Creativity: Get Discouraged

I'm not suggesting that you will never get discouraged. The key questions here are: How easily are you discouraged, and how long will you stay discouraged?

To take writing as an example, some people jump ship at the first sign of difficulty. The plot isn't gelling, the characters went AWOL, or you can't find the information you need for background research.

Others get through the writing part and give up either because some agents turn it down or because they can't figure out self-publishing details.

Whatever your source of discouragement, you will hear in the background the words, "It's just too hard." You may also hear, "It isn't fair," in which case, check out the post on resentment.

The more you repeat the unmagic phrase, "It's just too hard," the harder it will seem. Imagine that each repetition is like placing a rock in your way. Your goal is on the other side. If you say the phrase 10 times a day, that's 10 rocks. Uncontrolled repetition leads to building a wall.

Solution

Try to eliminate that phrase.

Replace it with others, such as "Maybe I can ask someone." "Maybe I can get a critique." "I might be able to find a helpful book or information online."

Remember the little train that could. Even if you're not sure you can, say, "I think I can."

How to Crush Your Creativity: Put Others First

However you express your creativity, you need undisturbed time for its expression. One of the best ways to crush your creativity is to avoid setting boundaries that others will respect.

Virgina Woolf wrote at length about the importance of having a room of one's own. With all respect, I'd take it further. You need a life of your own, one that isn't constantly interrupted by the child who can't find his shoes, the teenager who urgently needs a ride to the mall, and the mate who wants to know who used the last light bulb.

It seems to be a law that, whenever you go into that room of your own and close the door, everyone wants to open it. This, however, isn't a law of nature. Unlike the law of gravity, you can change it, but it's going to take moral fortitude, fueled by the conviction that a life of your own is important.

Solution

The key to upsetting the law of interruption is to closely examine the idea wanting time for yourself is selfish. My guide on this subject is Edward Bach, M.D., who also created the Bach Flower Remedies, designed to deal with emotional imbalances.

Many of us learned that to follow our deepest desires is to be selfish, despite Shakespeare's observation that we're true to ourselves we will be false to no one else. In Dr. Bach's view selfishness consists, not in honoring our own desires, but in interfering with the desires of others.

In other words, anyone who wants to interfere with the time you've set aside for yourself is saying, "Don't be selfish and do what you want. Be unselfish and do what I want (so I can be selfish)."

Your beloved family and friends don't think of themselves as interfering. They may be upset that something seems more important to you than them. They want reassurance. They want to know that they're LOVED.

And the truth may be that after the sixth interruption in as many minutes, you may not be overflowing with love. They're right to be worried.

Everyone's situation is unique, so you'll have to figure out the particulars of how to shift the dynamics in your relational world. You may find these general guidelines helpful.

1. Believe in yourself and in your creative urges. Honor them as if you needed them to survive and thrive. You do.

2. The more you respect yourself and your creativity, the more you will automatically draw respect from others.

3. The more you insist on fulfilling your needs, the more interest you'll have in helping others fulfill theirs.

4. To whatever extent possible, include others in your creative life. If you write paranormal fiction, ask "What's a good name for a vampire?" If you paint, ask others to be on the lookout for compelling views in nature. Do whatever works to make them feel included rather than excluded.

5. Finally, consider this analogy. If you were a car, you wouldn't say you're too busy taking people to where they need to go to stop in for a checkup/tuneup, because you know a car can't do what it has to do unless it gets serviced. Know this applies to your creative life, and communicate it to others.

15 Attitudes You Can Live Without

From http://www.purposefairy.com/3308/15-things-you-should-give-up-in-order-to-be-happy/ via Peaceful Daily Planet

1. Give up your need to always be right.
2. Give up your need for control.
3. Give up on blame.
4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk.
5. Give up your limiting beliefs
6. Give up complaining.
7. Give up the luxury of criticism.
8. Give up your need to impress others.
9. Give up your resistance to change.
10. Give up labels.
11. Give up on your fears.
12. Give up your excuses.
13. Give up the past.
14. Give up attachment.
15. Give up living your life to other people's expectations.

Creativity and the Dreaded “Mommy Guilt”

Connie has written some excellent blog posts in the past about how effective guilt is at stifling creativity; I know this firsthand.



Ever since I became a mother, almost a year ago now (although it doesn’t seem like that long ago!), I’ve been battling the dreaded “Mommy Guilt.” It doesn’t matter that I took a year off from my high-pressure position as an editor and inhouse author in trade publishing (and recently resigned from it) because I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, I still often feel guilty about the hours I spend each day on my keyboard, freelancing part-time as a “book doctor” and editor. Most of those hours occur when she is tucked away in bed for the night, slumbering sweetly, but some of them necessitate her going to nursery school two days a week.



However, as my girl grows and increases in independence by the day, I’m beginning to realize that—even if it means late nights and sacrificing some time with my child and a good deal of my social life—my work has benefits for her as well as for me (and for our household in general). For me, my work in the creative arts is not a luxury: it is a necessity. While I devote much of my time to freelance editing, and sometimes begrudge that it doesn’t allow me enough time to write, I am one of those lucky individuals who can say, for a fact, that I truly love what I do. It is my passion. I love taking a diamond in the rough and polishing it up to add more facets. I love helping other authors make their work the best it can be.



For my daughter, my passion for my work means that she not only gets to see firsthand the value of having a strong work ethic, but that she will also grow up appreciating that work should be a delight, something you actively look forward to doing. Already, I am seeing the shoots of her own burgeoning creativity as she indulges in her daily play. My love for the written word has also inspired in her a love of books. Even at just one year of age, she loves to carefully turn the pages (now recognising that pages are for turning and not for tearing) and to point to the bright pictures. Spending time reading to my darling is quality time, and although she is too small yet to fully understand the stories I write for her, I hope that one day they will number among her favourites.



When she was very small, my guilt at snatching short, private moments to write was overwhelming—and sometimes paralysing. But as she grows, I’m realizing that she, too, actively values time spent alone in creative play. She doesn’t always want an adult playing with her or hovering over her; sometimes she wants to explore objects in solitary (although supervised) reflection.



Interestingly, my book of short stories, “Cage Life,” although written some years ago before I became a mother, deals with themes relating to guilt and freedom in motherhood. In it, a young mother longs for the carefree life she once led, which leads to disastrous consequences. Now that I am a mother, it is probably not a story I could bear to write, but I still feel that it explores many of the wistful, private moments that mothers, particularly first-time moms, struggle with: the loss of a singular identity; the guilt; the longing for freedom, either creative or just a few hours to take a long bath or to go to the hairdresser. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mother. My child will always be my greatest work, and a work-in-progress for my entire life. But, as a creative, I also know that I have other children—children stuffed away in drawers and hastily scribbled upon in brief snatches.



My advice to all new mothers who write, and who are struggling to find the time to be creative while keeping up with diaper changing, feeding, playing with and consoling babies, is that we should try not to feel guilty about anything that rounds us out and makes us who we truly are. Our children need us to be ourselves, with all of our passion, creativity and individuality intact. It is how they learn the value of those elements to humanity. And if nothing else, writing provides an escape from the everyday that is empowering and fully imaginative. We may be covered in baby vomit, have been up since 5 am, and really, really need to mop the floor sometime today, but in our heads we can be dancing flamenco, solving murder mysteries, trying to eke out a living on an alien world, or any manner of other exciting possibilities. So guilt be damned! Tonight she is sound asleep and for those silent hours in between the little cries in the night, I’m not a just a mommy, I’m a writing mommy, and write I will!

Karin’s book of short stories Cage Life is available from Amazon US http://www.amazon.com/Cage-Life-ebook/dp/B005DC6AHM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1332765096&sr=8-1
Amazon UK http://www.amazon.co.uk/Cage-Life-ebook/dp/B005DC6AHM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1332765161&sr=8-1
Her book of poetry, Growth is available from:
Amazon US http://www.amazon.com/Growth-ebook/dp/B005D5RCD0/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_2

Amazon UK Growth
Barnes & Noble http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/growth-karin-cox/1104361734?ean=2940011380730&itm=2&usri=karin+cox
Follow Karin’s blog at www.karincox.wordpress.com
Read more about Karin’s work www.editorandauthor.com
Follow Karin on twitter @Authorandeditor
Or Facebook www.facebook.com/KarinCox.Author

How to Crush Your Creativity: Feel Guilty

Guilt sometimes involves self-criticism, which was described in an earlier post. However, the kind of self-criticism I described involved tearing your work apart, condemning yourself for even thinking talent lurks somewhere within you, and similar acts of self-sabotage.

Guilt as it relates to creativity, is less related to the actual creative project. It has much more to do with stepping beyond the limitations you may have learned as a child.

Here's an example from my childhood. My father had dreams of becoming a minister. However, he made what he thought was a more practical choice, graduating from college with an engineering degree. Because he made a choice that didn't come from his deepest desires, he went into his work life with an attitude of resentment that deepened into total dislike of his job, a dislike that he never hesitated to share with the family that depended on his income for survival.

Even though his career decision had been made before he got married and had children, in telling us how he'd had to give up his dreams, he made us the cause of his great life's disappointments. Illogical as this was, young children, who rely on their parents for their understanding of the world, are inclined to choose loyalty over logic.

It took me years to figure out how thoroughly I'd been programmed to believe that you weren't supposed to like your job. Whenever I had the opportunity to switch careers and choose one I would enjoy, I managed to talk myself out of doing so.

Finally I uncovered the truth: that I felt guilty about the idea that I could enjoy my work life much more than my father (who had allegedly sacrificed his happiness for his children) ever did. Once I managed to cut the unconscious ties of guilt, it was surprisingly easy to make creative choices and create a career that totally thrilled me.

Solution

Ask yourself if you're afraid of having too much fun in your career/work life and why this is so.

If you can relate this to dissatisfaction on the part of either of your parents in their jobs, explore this connection.

Ask yourself how your dissatisfaction can increase their happiness. You may find reasons: Your success could make them feel like failures. They could feel that you are disloyal to the family.

You can tease out answers by imagining telling your parents how happy you are in your career, how much you enjoy the money you make and the creative opportunities. Imagine their responses. (This works whether they are alive or not.)

Finally, make a choice. You can choose to be loyal to your family or you can take the risk of independence and happiness.